ModusOperandi - Remade

Thursday, June 30, 2005

War Of The Worlds

Watching War Of The Worlds is like having sex with Heidi Klum and all of a sudden, your mum enters the room.

That's how it feels like, seriously.

posted@8:42 PM

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Crocodile Anybody?

Anybody, especially my fellow mates from Secondary School would possess knowledge of the fact that I am a faithful patron to Crocodile Brand Briefs. However, because I am longer in Secondary School, and am currently in Junior College, I would like to introduce to all why they remain my #1 choice despite all these years.

Firstly, a ride back to good old days, when Ivan was in the care of his dear grandparents. That was before I was 7 years old. Ivan was never a great fan of underwears to start with, and naturally being his grandparents' choice of favouritism, they relented and allowed him to only wear underwears when he went to school. Now note when I say go to school. I seriously only wore them when I went to school, not when I went out. Talk about irony here. Talk to me.

Secondly, he learnt to "like" wearing underwears because when he was about 7 years old, just when he was about to go back to his real home, he accidentally got too excited about wearing jeans and in his hurry zipped his little tool in the process. It was an antagonising big league, but nevertheless memorable. Now everybody say 'awwwww so poor thing' with me. Thank you very much, much appreciated. I am most gratified.

Thirdly, Ivan forgets occasionally, when he was a little kid, to wear underwear even to school. He would only realise it when he felt extremely happy and comforted. So now you know why Ivan has so many wrinkles and frowns consistently.

Fourthly (is there such a word?), actually Ivan doesn't really enjoy wearing crocodile underwears. He just has no choice because all his underwears are bought by his mother, except for an exceptional few pieces he owns, such as the 3 Thongs and several Sport Pouches. Although I own several kinky pieces of underwear, I only wear them by special request (not like those in MacDonald's) or when I feel sofaking kinky. Of course such occurances happen sporadically.

The funny thing about wearing a Sport Pouch is that sometimes my you-know-what falls out when I sit down. I mean DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF man, u know W-T-F? And they call it a Sport Pouch. Just like how people who tan all day in Sentosa call themselves Beach Bois, yeah the Bois, with the I.

Speaking of such, its once agian, a constant paradox to say that everybody should wear sexy underwear to arouse their partner. I mean yeah, it really is no doubt, but more than often, its the girls who pay attention to such stuff rather than guys. I mean seriously, sexy underwear turns me on like a bloody motorcar with 60000000000000000 horsepower. Seriously.

Just look at these:

This is for all you girls, okieeeeeeeee. So don't say I practice sexual discrimination and all that booooohaaaaa. Nevertheless, I'm still going to say that WOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH THONGS/G-STRINGS DOES THE TRICK MAAAAAAAN!

You have no idea how the kinkiest things happen to me. I was just trying to find an image of a sport pouch I possess, but apparently I typed in Thongs and got side-tracked by those images instead. How not to side-track when Ivan loves women with sexy underwear, you tell me.

posted@11:01 PM

Monday, June 27, 2005

Sex & Love ; Marriages

PS: I have no particular intentions to offend anybody. If you do not have an open mind, kindly skip this entry and read something else, something happier. Maybe xiaxue.blogspot.com or limbueytor.com or something else for today.

It has always been in the mindset of most people that sex equates to love. We were taught this when we were young. We relate kissing scenes to love, when obviously the next part usually ends up on the bed. That's when we were little kids who had practically zilch to no understanding of Sex & Love.

However,
because I am already 17 this year,
because I think I am already old enough to think for myself,
because I possess enough testerones and finally,
because I am no longer a kid,

I am going to explore the difference between Sex & Love, and no longer remain nonchalant about it all.

The human body is structured in way that puberty and sexual education appears to conincide, whether you like it or not. For some, including myself, I never knew how the actual action and process of sexual intercourse went about until I was about of 14 years of age. I learnt it IN school, not that I learnt it BECAUSE of school. The teachers of my sexual education were mainly my classmates and friends, as well as pornographic movies which we deeply explored back in those days. Talk about Singapore being an vibrant city full of Arts when simple facts of life have to be taught this way.

I'm risking my fucking skin here to comment about this very sensitive question. I'm not trying to preach here, but mainly because I cannot tolerate this nonsensical bullshit about Sex = Love. To me, Sex is a declaration of possession. Not love. Probably the possession of your sex-partner is fueled by love, romance and all that bullshit, BUT never is sexual intercourse an action of love. In this case, I agree with Asians more than the Westerners.

Asians have always known to be 'conservative' and thus, do not usually include sexual intercourse as an expression of love.
Westerners on the othe rhand, are always known to be 'liberal', and usually include sexual intercourse as an expression of love.

No really, the dumbasses here appear to be Westerners. Either that or Western Men have really good deceptive methods of tricking women into bed. Such is the sad, but true mindsets that have been engraved on, like tattoos that never disappear. What my teacher call 'Mind Forg'd Mannacles'.

I do not see how and why Sex should be an outlet for passion, romance and more importantly, love. They are totally unrelated issues. Sex is merely sticking your fucking penis into the woman, and both parties feel sexually aroused and excited. Pleasure arises from the act of sexual intercourse, not love. You don't love the other party more because of sex, you merely THINK you fucking do but apparently that isn't true at all. Don't live in self-denial, its the addiction you are strongly engulfed with, by this word called 'Lust', not 'Love'.

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Why also, do people regard marriages as fairy tales which and deem their opposite partner as 'The One'? My apologies for destroying your beautiful dreams of the future, but has it ever occured to you that marriage is merely a mature form of the 'Boy-Girl Relationships' or 'BGR' of today?

What makes you so sure that you won't get sick of your partner after years of marriage?
What makes you so sure that you can stick to every single vow you "solemnly" swore during marriage oaths?
What makes you so sure that you have seen all that you needed to see in your fiancee/fiance?
What makes you so sure that both of you know each other well enough to get married?

WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE YOU HAVE FOUND THE ONE???

Because both of you have been together for 6 years and you think that living together for another 60 years wouldn't make much of a difference?
Because both of you are really serious about each other and think that 'I am old enough, and fucking serious enough to know what I'm doing'.
Because both of you went through so many things that you just cannot seem to understand what's more to your partner?
Because both of you can recite your partner's favourite food, habits, behavious, and most importantly, you know what to expect from him/her?

No really, all of these are what I call mere occurrences.

oc·cur·rence (-kûrns)
n.

1. The action, fact, or instance of occurring.
2. Something that takes place.

See what I mean?

They are all issues that speak of THAT PARTICULAR INSTANCE. Because you think that its right AT THAT TIME, so you do it. Hell... You are so wrong.

But why then, do people get married?

Simply because,
They are resigned to it. They know marriages aren't exactly that beautiful after all.
Basically, they just give in to the world that they live in, and thus get married.

I'm sad to say that you, my dear friend, are most likely going to be one of the many.

But again marriage can be beautiful, and "perfect", if you think it is.
But again, Ivan firmly believes in compromising.

I think tolerance and compromising solves any barriers that come between two people.
I also think that you, my dear friend, will have a good marriage ahead.

Because really, Ivan wishes all the best to your future endeavours =)

posted@1:35 PM

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Food For Thought: Of Sexual Chauvinism

It is really amazing and awkward at the same time how amazing the human mind works. Reading various popular blogs of the New Age have brought a new insight to certain aspects of life, in particular SarongPartyGirl. To put it in short, she's a 19 year old undergraduate, a smart slut though, sad to say. Her philosophy of life is amazing, and the way she criticises about the Female sex is simply amazing. She articulates in a fantastic manner with her strong command of English, and I can't help to say I've became quite addicted to reading her classy entries.

What struck me while reading it was that what would happen if I would actually possess such perceptions about the Female sex. I swear to you, some crazy bitch would just come running up to me and call me a Male Chauvinist. Really, sometimes those who do so need to ensure their brain's in perfect working condition, because getting so worked up over your own darling sex simply shows some qualities of chauvinism you clearly possess. Either that or your nut's getting a little loose. Being so critical over somebody whom you think is exerting extreme injustifications to your sex because he thinks his sex is superior and deserves better attention just needs to take some time off, chill off at StarBucks with the chill-out Jazz selections.

You know, of late, I really despise conformity, uniformity, and at most, conventions of the human society of today. Perhaps it could be the extreme influences of my Literature Texts, mainly the Songs of Innocence & Experience by William Blake, and A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, or maybe such a despise for social conventions have always been present in me, and triggers as such help spark the entire perception off.

I hate the way people perceive others by first judgement and through standards of their so called righteous and proper methods of the fucking society, of which I simply call convention. You are no different from your nagging parents whom you think are conventional and traditional in their schools of thought.
I hate the way people who think of others as sexual chauvinists while they fail to realise that they themselves are just one of those whom they are highly critical of. You are just a chauvinist yourself. Face it.

Seriously, I don't give a hoot about the Almighty Sex of mine. I have a penis, that works when its supposed to do so, and I have facial hair which the opposite sex probably doesn't. And that's just about all I feel are major differences between the 2 opposite sex. Other than that, I don't see how Men should be pushing their luck around by doing that "I'm a Man, I'm the ruler of the society" thing. Neither do I see how Women should be pushing heir luck around by doing that "I'm a New Age Woman, I'm the ruler of the society. Man can blow himself." thing. Please people, everybody is equal. Maybe not, because stupid dumb arsehats that think they aren't are clearly trying to push themselves to extremes of their retardism do, and still exist.

To top all of that, no really, sexual chauvinists can go blow themselves.

posted@5:47 AM

Friday, June 24, 2005

The Little Things That Define Greater Things

I was walking home alone after enjoying my Soy Milk from Selegie Soy Bean Stall (Best stall for Soy Milk I tell you) when I just had some thoughts in my mind, thoughts which I often ponder upon but never really gathered enough effort to pen it down. And I feel the need to do so right now, even though I'm supposed to be mugging for my History Paper tomorrow. Actually the main flame was sparked by 2 passerbys, and they happen to be a couple. I saw them talking to each other without looking at the other party, but at the same time they were holding hands. It really made me think, really.

I often ponder about the little things that we do which mean something much more, or at least in the case of me. Little things which I think most people won't give more than half a damn about. But never belittle them, because they possess a meaning so deep and colossal, that I really am risking my candy ass writing this at this very moment. These are things which I often find myself doing, in hope that the receiver would take notice of, but are often regarded as normal actions, or just common nothings.

1. Keeping direct eye-contact
Of late, I often find myself making a constant effort to keep a constant eye-contact to the people whom I classify are of exceptional importance in my life. I'm not trying to be selfish here, but bimbos and stupid people just don't belong to this genre. I began to find myself being particularly rude when I speak to a particular someone on the bus without looking at her eyes. I'm not sure if its because I just loved looking at her eyes, or because I simply just cannot stand being flawed in front of her.
I'm not fake nor hypocriptical, I'm just trying to make the best of myself. And I do not just keep a constant eye-contact with her, I'm making such an effort to many people in fact, even my classmates or even passerbys.
Many would agree, but few would actually work on it. Sad, but true.

2. Keeping close proximity
I've found myself to be, uncontrollably wanting to sit nearer and even lift the fucking arm rest to just embrace her during the movies. But of course, I don't, have not, and I doubt I will ever have the chance to. I find myself doing things like trying to lean my head nearer to her, because the physical closeness provides me with a feel in my heart, not one I would call orgasmic, but one which I would call comforted.
I find myself doing things like tyring to whisper into her ears, because the smell of her hair and slight chance she might whisper back into my ears keeps me on. Many would agree, but few would actually work on it. Sad, but true.

3. The constant flow of SMSes & complains of sleepless nights
When somebody constantly floods you with SMSes about the slightest things that is occuring in his/her life, you might want to take some time off and consider if the other party is interested in you, only if he/she is of an opposite sex definitely.
When somebody constantly tells you how he/she has been having sleepless nights, and regularly tells you but noone else about it, you might want to take some time off and consider if the other party is interested in you, only if he/she is of an opposite sex definitely.
Many would agree, but few would actually work on it. Sad, but true.

4. Hooking you up for dates, indirectly
No, really.
At times like this, you would really want to see her all the time.
At times like this, you find yourself to have the best imagination in your entire damned life. Like asking her if she wants to go for a movies although you know that unknowingly and knowingly her dear friends will tag along too.
At times like this, you realise you have no interest in doing anything much, and you relate emo-punk songs to her, lyrics seem to be shouting to you because you are thinking of her, dreaming of her. You just fucking want her, damnit.
Many would agree, but few would actually work on it. Sad, but true.

5. You steer clear of swear-words
Holy cow, Ivan avoiding swear-words?!??!
That's like the cows flying to North American, to Cuba and back to Singapore.
That's like the birds suddenly knowing how to poop properly in cubicles.
That's like Starbucks finally decide to give me a V.I.P. card as a regular patron.
That's like McDonald's realising their French Fries are oily and deciding to use Olive Oil to fry their French Fries for the French Fries eaters.
That's like SarongPartyGirl realising she should quit being a SarongPartyGirl and become a Philosophy Author instead.
That's like Ivan probably in love.

Many would agree, but few would actually work on it. Sad, but true.

Because, the truth is, in the face of it, I am one of those few.
The few who would actually work on it.

Sad, But true.

posted@9:17 PM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I WATCHED EXORCIST YESTERDAY!!!!

Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched and wanted to blog about yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched and wanted to blog about and could not because of my upcoming examinations yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched and wanted to blog about and could not because of my upcoming examinations and that they constitute 20% of my promos yesterday?

Obviously I didn't, thats why I'm here now, to tell you all about it.

But wait, Ivan isn't the kind who likes to be a spoiler-type for this kinda movies. I really hate to take away all the shock, excitement, awe, screams from you, you know. That's why I'm not gonna reveal anything about The Exorcist, because if I do, you will not be shocked, excited, awed, and most importantly, you won't scream like a puny little tortured monkey, like my little brother did.

------------------------------------------------------

Now this movie is about an old man, who likes to dig stuff out from the face of earth. I call him a professional Nose Picker, because he's really good with picks and all, but I'm not sure why everyone claims his occupation starts with A, not N (Nose Picker). Actually, that's not the case, I was just lazy to find out how to spell 'archaeologist' and attempted to cock up some story. Anyhow I decided to check up google for the answer.

ANYHOW...
This old man found some demonic stone crap which God knows what the hell it is, but I presume it possesses some demonic power which can zap the living shit out of anybody alive. I thought it looked like the necklace my Literature Teacher, Mrs Sng liked to wear. Orrr Horrrr..., shes SATANIC!!!!

ANYHOW x2...
This old man and his son spoke to each other in a God knows what the hell the language is and then kaaaaabooooooom. Scene changes into some utter bullshit, and we see an actress, who is the least hot, maybe she was to the people of the 70s. I mean really, she wasn't hot AT ALL to me, really.

Here she is:

OH PLEASE..... Give me a break, I mean... Oh please... I look so much hotter, dontcha you all agree?

ANYHOW x3...
This actress has a daughter, and she's really rich mind you. And apparently, her daughter became possessed by the demon. I'm not sure how really, all I knew was that she pee-d on her pants while walking downstairs during a party her mother had, and she uttered some rude words blar blar. And from then onwards, she underwent a major transformation, or should I say:

Because she, transformed from this:

To this...

Ignore the God-Damned message, its the freakiest picture I could find so pardon the crap shit.

Oh yeah, she is some kinda porn star now I believe. You heard me right, she's a PORN STAR! I found some indecent pictures of her while finding decent pictures for my decent blog entry! Click here for more, but don't forget to come back after getting too engrossed with her boobs.

ANYHOW x4...
That's what she gradually became when she was possessed. It was awfully disturbing really, and I would not reccommend this film to people with feeble, weak minds. If you have trouble sleeping after watching reaaaaaally scary movies like GhostBusters, Harry Potter, Beauty and the Beast etc, I would strongly discourage you to watch this. Reaaaaaally!!

ANYHOW x5...
There was nothing MaMa could do about the possession because they all thought it was some mental disorder. The Siao Doctors, as in Doctors for the Mentally Ill & Disturbed could not do anything!!! OH MAH GAWD THEY SUCK! They really do! But you should really watch how they went about conducting checks on the daughter to examine her how those electrical impulses thingies were functioning in her brain. They did things like poking a hole right inside HER FUCKING NECK when she was FULLY AWAKE and then doing some Zaaaaaaaaaaaap thingie to her, and more more more more stuff. But still, poor little daughter got WORSE, never better!

ANYHOW x6...
Doctors finally gave up. They really have no eye deers on what to do. Really. Till they were holding a meeting where they suggested to the hawt actress that her daughter MIGHT be possessed. Hell, she WAS possessed, not MIGHT. >>>WAS<<<

And they reccommended that she looked for an exorcist!
So she looked for an exorcist!
And she found an exorcist!
BUT THE EXORCIST WASN'T AN EXORCIST!

ORZ

He was just an ex-boxer who held qualifications in Psychology, and yeah he speaks Latin too. What a fucking joke.

ANYHOW x7...
Because exorcism has not been carried out since the medieval times,
Because exorcism ceased to exist with revolutions in science and technology,
Because exorcism was gradually overplayed by advanced medicine theories that classified erratic mental disorder with that of a psychological or genetic disorder,

And most importantly,

Because Ivan has not much recollection for such technical bullshit, and that he is an Arty-farty Arts student whether you like it/believe it or not, he's gonna tell you that that's just about all he can remember.

Right...

ANYHOW x7...
Because of those factors, Father Whateverthehellhisnamewas had to get a permit from the Church to execute a proper exorcism. He was reluctant at first, but the actress begged, cried, and all. Maybe slept too I'm not too sure about that. Seriously, I was expecting to see the real Pope's face and him signing some documents, but nope, I only saw some old geezers talking and kaboooom! It's approved.

The route to approval, which constituted mainly of evidence gathering of the symptoms which suggests and convince the panel of high ranking Church Officers that the little girl is indeed possessed by the Demon himself. This route was really interesting, you get to see many mainstream implications of Satanism, such as backmasking, explicit behaviour upon exposure to Holy Water etc.

ANYHOW x8...
The exorcism was approved, and the old man nose picker was actually asked to accompany the Father to carry it out! Hell yeah! He became a Father too how cool's that? They managed to do it in the end, but both died. Old man died because he was too weak to do it alone and younger Father was downstairs resting.

Younger Father died because he whacked the little girl and demanded the Demon to possess him instead, and when the Demon finally did, younger Father jumped out of the window, and died. Sad, but true.

MORAL OF THE STORY
No really, the actualy exorcism didn't work at all. Whacking did.
So next time, all those Tiao Dang (people in trance) and all these so called exorcists are real flukes. Sad, but true.

posted@7:55 PM

Because...

Because Ivan is really a Suar Ku when it comes to Digital Cameras, he shall be posting even more pictures of his house and himself.
Because Ivan is really a dork when it comes to powering up a Digital Camera, he needs to beg his sister painfully to teach him how to turn on her bloody Camera while watching her laugh hysterically.
Because Ivan knows that his dear friends are dying to see his 6-room flat, yeah you got that right, 6-room, not 5, not 4, not 3 but 6 ROOM FLAT, he shall be taking them on a tour, really soon.
Because Ivan knows that nobody has seen him in a singlet, besides his evil classmates in MSHS who used to laugh at the uber albino Ivan, he shall be dressed up only in singlets and nothing else. I'll definitely be wearing shorts you sick bastards, not too sure about the underwear part, though.

MUAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA THIS CAMERA IS GONNA BE LIKE MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! MY SISTER SHALL NEVER DREAM OF GETTING IT BACK, EVARRRRRR AGAIN!!!!!!!

THIS IS MY SISTER'S CAMERA MUAHAHAH

CAMERA FUNNNNNNNNN

Taken from my balcony, I'm proud to say I live in a 6-Room flat complete with a Sea View. Sad to say you can't see chicks clearly tanning and all, you can see them jogging though. That's ECP by the way. I've always assured my friends how they can bring their girls over to my house for a night of hot whateverthehellyouwannadoisuptoyou when my parents are out of town. Just look at it man. Just look at it.

My Arsenal of Sun-Block Lotions crap. That's right! Its a PINK NIKE BOTTLE!

My sister on the left, her boyfriend on the right. Fine, I know they always say my mother "Yue Shen Yue Chou". (Means: The more my mother gives birth, the uglier her children gets. yeah yeah yeah yeah, thats my elder sis by the way.)

Hell yeah, I sleep on the floor with a mattress. In case you still don't know, I fall off beds even these days... That's why, that's why.

My Cushion. ITS MY SISTER'S OKIEEEEEEEE. I'm not gay. Please.

posted@6:30 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I've always preferred to let pictures do the talking.

I numb myself in self denial.

posted@7:02 PM

And you say I'm kinky.

Hello dear people. May I present:

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Beauty salon in West London
Woah... This one looks like Pamela Anderson's silhouette.
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German volleyball association
I wonder if they use their tools to hit the balls.
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Popular Tennis Brand
Poor guy. He must have trouble pissing.
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Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies
Oh mah gawd. You just have no idea...
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Czech Sausage Company
They've been doing it since 1917. We aren't exactly the most original people around.
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Can't get enough of it?
Visit the original website, click here

posted@1:12 AM

Nostalgic, I don't like it.

You almost always pick the best times,
To drop the worst lines.

I buried myself alive on the inside,
So I could shut you out,
And let you go away for a long time

I guess its ok I puked the day away.
I guess its better you trapped yourself in your own way.
And if you want me back,
You're gonna have to ask.

I'm not sure what I want these days. Really.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go ahead living like that. Really.
I'm not sure if staying up all night trying to find a reason works out fine. Really.

I buried myself alive on the inside,
So I could shut you out,
And let you go away for a long time...

I guess I should do just that.

posted@1:01 AM

Monday, June 20, 2005

If only.

posted@10:38 AM

Why does everything around here remind me

posted@10:38 AM

Pictures Galore

Because Ivan is such a Suar Ku (Mountain Turtle) when it comes to pictures of himself and his friends using a Digital Camera, he shall post so many many many of them. My dear readers, to achieve full clarity of the awesome pictures taken, kindly click on the desired image for an enlarged version.